losing my religion

“Believe in God, not the religious people’s God,

but the God who created the universe

and everything in it.”

     -  Allrock  (a.k.a. Carlo Torres)

This is not about the song of the same title by one of my favorite rock bands, REM.  I can’t just think of a title more appropriate than this.  And it’s not about God either.  It’s more about the practice of organized worship of the Almighty One.

As a young boy growing up in rural idyllic Potrero (Bacolor, Pampanga), my Sundays were not complete without attending the early morning Catholic mass with my late mom and my two siblings.  In later years, my late dad would join us.  Until I entered college, we would be at these Sunday rites without fail.

I still remember the times when the first pews from the altar were hardly filled by the handful families who never doubted the faith, so to speak, at that time.  This was not the case in earlier years, though.  This sad state resulted, according to my parents, from the unilateral (whimsical, too, if I may add) decision of the parish priest to transfer the seat of the parish from Potrero to another barrio.  The reason he cited was the conversion of some residents to Iglesia ni Cristo.

The people of course did not buy this explanation.  The bold and irreverent among the parishioners insinuated that the said priest was swayed into this by his secretary, who was from the other barrio, after she allegedly became his paramour.  I also heard my dad tell his reminiscing of old Potrero to fellow residents near his age that tended to support this assertion a couple years before he died—unlike my mom; he retained his lucid mind despite his very advanced age. 

My dad was one of the first residents to own a passenger jeepney and would drive this priest—and his predecessor—around every now and then.  That was the time when secular priests did not own flashy cars like the ones that we now have.  He was therefore privy to some of that priest’s “extracurricular” liaisons.  This, may be, was one of the reasons why he wasn’t with us during those masses that we’d attended early on.  Will you follow someone as sinful as, if not more than, you?  The other reason, he was, may be, also deep into his own dalliances at that time.  

Of course, this was non-issue to us few families even if some of our fellow barrio residents made fun of us.  The nasty joke then was there were more goats occupying the pews than us believers.   This was of course untrue but there were indeed goats inside the chapel especially when it’s raining.  It did not take long though when attendance started to pick up and soon the church pews were filled by human churchgoers.  This was when the concerned priest was transferred to another parish and a new one took his place.

My church-going days peaked when I was attending Don Bosco Academy (Bacolor) for my secondary education, where attendance in the daily mass at the school chapel is compulsory.  Then, it was downhill from there.  I just realized that I hardly visited the church and went to mass when I started attending UPLB in 1976.  No, it’s not because of activism or communism.  In fact, my activism only became full-blast when I transferred to GAUF in the summer of 1984.  It’s just that my religious fervor was not as intense as it used to.  

This was engendered by the liberal ideas that slowly permeated into my consciousness, which, in turn, brought about my realization that more than your regular presence in organized worships it's how you deal with and treat your fellow human and other beings that mattered more.  I won’t deny it though that my flirtation with Marxism at that time had led me farther away from my religious practices.  

The most frequently quoted, and most likely misunderstood, statement of the German economist and revolutionary socialist Karl Marx, “Religion is the opium of the people (Die Religion…ist das Opium des Volkes)”, impacted greatly on me.  This was despite the fact that I have not read the complete text of what was supposed to be Marx’s introduction to his proposed work "A Contribution to the Critique of Hegel’s Philosophy of Right", which was never completely written.  This introduction was published though in 1844.

As I started to understand a few basic Marxist concepts, I was puzzled no end why various churches, including the Catholic Church, never howled protests over the evils spawned by unjust economic, political and social orders worldwide.  They never condemned the wrong doings and excesses of the states and their officials against their peoples.  The few prelates, priests and pastors who did were considered pariahs by their own churches in general.  Most of them, I’d heard, adhered to and practiced Liberation Theology.

Particularly in the country, they had the gall to openly endorse and support the Marcos dictatorship.  They were very sparing though in their condemnation, if not totally tight-lipped, over the barefaced human rights violations perpetrated by the various state apparatuses that were, in the first place, created and tasked to safeguard and uphold these very same rights of the people, including their followers. 

My great disenchantments continue to this day.  Church leaders of practically all religious denominations continue to be part of the coteries that surround the leaders and officials of the national and local governments.  And these are the very same leaders and officials who are linked to all the evils and wrongdoings in our politics and governance.  Without doubt, this is the greatest proof of the failure of religions to make man turn his back from evil deeds.

The most likely greatest Kapampangan thief, if convicted, who’s now on hospital arrest had been personally ministered no less by the Kapampangan prince of the Catholic priests.  And by other “great lights” of other religions, too.  But look where she is now.

Look also at the other members of the greedy thieving class.  Under the blinding glare of klieg lights, they acted out their profession of innocence either within or after religious rites especially administered by men of the cloth.  These men of the cloth appeared blinded by these klieg lights as they looked clueless on their sickening roles in the vaudeville that’s unfolding in practically all the idiot boxes in every home.  I pity these men for they still don’t—or are they just pretending they don’t?—realize that they’re to blame, more than other people, for how this thieving class has turned out despite the special attention they’ve accorded to them.

The true Almighty One is indeed the well of bottomless mercy for He did not strike them with lightning while deeply enthralled in their vaudeville.  How I wish that the blinding glare of klieg lights could follow them in their detention cells 24/7, so that they’ll be forced to make good their promise to read the Bibles while waiting for their exoneration.  Who knows, they might finally “see the light”, admit their sins and, more importantly, spare us from their unfolding badly scripted vaudeville.

Will you blame me losing my religion against this backdrop?  For quite some time, I wasn’t as candid and true to myself in admitting this.  I would reply Nominal Catholic whenever I'm asked what my religion was.  But if you’re a Catholic, you’re just a Catholic without any qualifier.   The moment you attach the word nominal, you’re in reality no longer a Catholic for you’re not subscribing to all what was expected from the faithful.

But I have my reasons for this, though.  One is I don’t want to get into arguments and explain why I don’t have one.  I found it more conventional and easier to explain the attached qualifier.  This is especially with people who believe that only through their religions that one can be saved and attain eternal life in the bosom of the Almighty One.  In the first place, I’m not motivated to live my life on earth to have eternal life in the Great Beyond.  I simply try to live my maxim:  live to do good (as much as I could) and not to harm (as much I could) any fellow human and other beings.   

This may sound simplistic but it’s equally as hard to follow as any dictates of other religions.

Two is I don't know how to classify and call myself.  I'm certainly not an agnostic; for I still believe in the existence of a Supreme Being that designed the universe we're in.  But unlike most, I don't find the need to worship this Supreme Being in organized manner they do.  The way I live my life is my way of worshiping that Supreme Being.  I therefore don't find the need to belong to a religious denomination and have no intention to join another one in the future. 

If atheists, as claimed by the current pope, Pope Francis, can be saved from eternal damnation, the more chances that I could be being not one.  There is therefore no urgency to belong to a new religion or to return to the old one.  In the final analysis, all religions are man’s creations based on his perceptions on how best to venerate Him and, in return, be assured of a place in Paradise.  

In the end, too, there are no such things as perfect and absolute.  Not even Almighty One’s creations.  Just look at man!  (30)